The Object Of My Obsession Read online

  "It's not your fault.” Henry whispers and I feel his fingers on my cheek.

  "Isn't it?” I ask as I pull over. I stop the car, get out and take two steps into an open field before I vomit. Everything I had eaten that day came up in heaving chunks of guilt and anger.

  I feel his hands taking over the duty of pulling back my hair. Once he secures my hair in one hand, he places the other on my back and slowly rubs in a circle. I lean forward, hands on knees and heave up the rest of my dignity.

  Of all the things I imagined doing with this man, throwing up in front of him was nowhere on the list. I am so embarrassed I cry. Not just a little bit either. I sob, weep, heaving breaths and big fat teardrops. I shake my head because he is pulling me into his arms. Holding me as I tremble against his chest and blow snot bubbles out of my nose against his shirt. I sniff, trying to hold it all back but it is no use.

  "It's okay So'.” He whispers in my ear. “It's not your fault."

  I haven't talked about this to anyone except Brittany. She said the same thing, it wasn't my fault. Of course so did my parents, his parents, and everyone who was expecting a wedding but instead got a funeral ... “I should have gone to him."

  "He should have done what was right to begin with.” Henry pushed me out arms length. His two hands firm on my arms. “You know better than that. I can't imagine your grief or guilt but you and I both know that he made two bad decisions that night and it fucked up things for both of you. What would you tell someone if they asked you that in your column?"

  I'd tell them it wasn't their fault. I nodded and sniffed.

  "I'll drive.” He says and pulls the shirt off his back and hands it to me. I gulp and stare at the awesome sight of his bare chest. His lips curl slightly upward, “Use the shirt for your face, sweetheart."

  My face. Oh God, my face. I use the inside of the shirt to dry my eyes and mascara comes off on the material. I wipe and walk. Once inside the car I pull down the visor and flip down the mirror. I gasp. My makeup is all over the place. I use his ... I look at the label and realize I am using a fifty dollar t-shirt as a snot rag. “I'm sorry."

  "It's a shirt.” He shrugs. “I didn't mean to make you cry. I shouldn't have pushed like that. I didn't mean to tell you about ... you know. I just want to get to know you, for real. Not just sexually."

  My stomach does a flip flop and I wipe my face clean with his shirt. I inhale his scent and I curse hormonal imbalances and monthly cycles. “I don't think I want to have children. I know that sounds weird coming from a thirty year old woman, but I saw how much my parents sacrificed and selfish as it may be, I want to live my life for me."

  "I know what you mean.” He nods. “I don't think acting is the job for family, I don't want my kids to grow up in a fish bowl. I think I would quit and I don't want to quit. At least not right now. I mean if I can make enough money, stay out of the spotlight, I may be able to have a decent retirement."

  "Where would you retire?” I ask as we pull into the long driveway to my house. Jacob's car is in the garage so I keep mine outside.

  "I don't know.” He shrugs. Warm tan shoulders beckon me to touch them. “Kiss me."

  "What?” I ask and look at him.

  "Kiss me. Steal a second for just us."

  Henry waggles his eyebrows suggestively and I lean in, then I remember I had puked my guts up and put a hand over my mouth. “Later."

  He closes his eyes. “I forgot."

  "Let's not visualize it.” I say and he agrees.

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  Domo Arigato Mister Roboto

  "What the hell did you do to her?” Jacob pulls me into his arms and looks me over.

  "Nothing.” We both say at the same time.

  Henry moves on to the kitchen with the bags and Jacob holds me there by the door. “Did he say something to you?"

  "No.” I shake my head.

  "Ah, I get it. I took out the trash today so I know what time it is.” He says flatly and heat creeps up my face. “Don't be embarrassed, we're grown men. So what, we have five, six days of blow jobs ahead of us..."

  I pinch him and he laughs. He bites my cheek gently and then whispers, “You won't be able to stand me in a week. Without sex to keep you blinded, you'll actually have to get to know me."

  What the hell is it with getting to know people today?

  Before I can ask, I hear Henry and he is frustrated again.

  "She doesn't want this in the living room.” Henry says sternly. I look at Jacob and he shrugs.

  I walk to the living room and see that he has hooked up not one, but two different game systems.

  "Tell him before he throws a tantrum.” Jacob says to me.

  "Tell me what?” Henry looks at me.

  Do I have to say this out loud? “It's okay. In fact, it's good timing."

  I look at Henry and my eyes plead with him not to ask anything else, just to understand. He nods he gets it. “In that case, what are we playing?"

  I watch the two men who moments before had wanted nothing more than to spend time with me turn into teenage boys wanting nothing more than to spend time with their videogames.

  After hours on end of laughter, yelling, and being virtually ignored I come to one decision. If you can't fuck em’ join em'. “So what can I play?"

  "Let's see what your age is.” Jacob stops the game they are currently playing. They both stand, stretch, and he switches systems. “Take this."

  I am one of the boys. I am having fun. I am 65 years old according to the Wii. “Bullshit!"

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  Sleeping Single in a King Size Bed

  Alone in my bed I am frustrated. I know I told them that due to the circumstances, they should sleep in their own rooms but now I can't seem to sleep. I keep wondering if they are missing me. I wonder if they are still playing video games. I wonder if they are sleeping together without me.

  I springboard up and decide that if they aren't fucking me, they sure as shit aren't going to be fucking each other either.

  "Hey, you're up.” Henry says as he pushes the door open wider.

  Jacob walks in past him and climbs into the bed. “We're not sleeping in the guest rooms."

  The audacity.

  "What he means is..."

  "I mean I'm not sleeping in the guest room.” He pushes down the blankets. Pulls off his boxers and gets into the bed butt ass naked.

  I am too distracted by his naked body to say anything.

  "May I?” Henry asks and I nod. He too removes his boxer-briefs and gets into the bed with me. Jacob lies on his back without blankets. Henry pulls a sheet over himself and faces me. “Come here."

  I am in lust, I am in fever, and I am going crazy I decide. Crazy if I think I can hold these two men for long. My self sabotaging nature exerts itself. “I thought you guys might want time alone."

  Slowly but deliberate Jacob turns his head to look at me. My face must say it all. “You fucking told her? One time, years ago, and you act like it never fucking happened and out of nowhere you tell her?"

  Jacob is up now. Standing up and pacing angrily next to the bed.

  "Why did you bring that up?” Henry says. He sits up on the bed.

  I am Sonja's big mouth. I am jealousy personified and I am just now realizing that. “I don't know."

  "Well.” Jacob stands there hands on his hips and waiting for something.

  "Well what?” I shrug. “I thought you might want time alone all right. I can't fuck either of you, well I can but I'm not into it that way, and since you don't get to see each other often, I just thought you might want to spend time together. I didn't say fuck each other, but I can see by your reaction, you've thought about it."

  "I always think about it.” Jacob shouts. “I wish I didn't but I do. And I hate this. I fucking hate that I can't just be who I am."

  His face is red, his neck is red and the heat is creeping down his chest. He looks good mad. “I'm not judging you."

/>   "I know.” He shouts and pulls at his hair. “I'm sorry, So'. I know you won't judge me. It's not you."

  "It's me.” Henry says behind me. “I should go."

  "No.” My heart thunders. He can't leave. I don't want him to leave.

  "Then I'll go.” Jacob picks up his boxers and starts to pull them on.

  "No.” I shake my head. “No, no, no."

  They are both standing in their underwear now.

  "Not just no, but hell no. This is going to stop right now.” I straighten my backbone and look at the clock. It is two in the morning and I am putting my foot down. They care for each other, they care for me, and they are going to deal with their shit right now. “Sit. Both of you."

  I stand. “I'm going to tell you this one time and one time only. I don't know what is going on around here but I know one thing for sure. This is my house, I tell people to come and go. I have the degree in psychology and I have enough issues for all three of us. Now, what you two have here is an unresolved issue. I wonder how long it has been eating at you both and I wonder why it is surfacing now."

  "You.” Jacob says angrily. “I'm too fucking raw around you. I feel like it is okay to be with you and when I watched him fuck you, it was like..."

  "It was like he was fucking you.” I nod. I haven't actually counseled anyone since residency and I didn't like it then. I like advising in an abstract way, research was my favorite aspect of college. My readers write in, I find common questions and answer them with general well researched responses. “So you're jealous."

  "I can't go to the store with you. I can't do anything I want to do that is remotely fucking normal because of who I am.” He shakes his head.

  "Henry,” I look at him. “What is about that night that keeps you from talking about it, accepting it, and dealing with it?'

  "I told you earlier.” He says quietly.

  "What? What did you tell her?” Jacob turns to look at him. “That I got you drunk and begged you to fuck me? That I was so desperate to feel something other than my pain that I begged you?"

  "No.” Henry took a deep breath, he let it out slow. I hated this for him. Jacob was so angry, so consumed with his own feeling he couldn't see that his best friend loved him.

  "So what did you tell her?” I hear his voice crack and I fight the urge to touch him, to hug him, to tell him it will be okay.

  "I told her that I knew what I was doing.” Henry looked up to Jacob and their eyes locked. Something passed between them that was deeper than any words could express. Henry's acknowledgement knocked the wind out of Jacob.

  I stood there looking at them, feeling like a third wheel. Fighting my own jealousy. “So, Henry, the question remains. Do you want to do it again?"

  "I don't know.” He looked from Jacob to me. “I don't know what I want, or who I want."

  "I told you earlier that I didn't believe that it has to be a one or the other. I don't see why the three of us can't just enjoy each other.” I argue my case.

  "Because one of us will get jealous. It is just natural So', you know this. I mean are you really ready to see us making out? Do you think I won't wonder if you and Jacob will meet without me when I go back to Rome? Do you think you won't wonder if he and I meet without you in New York or LA? And it works the same for him.” Henry reasons. “I think we need to stop this now before someone gets hurt."

  "You've already hurt someone.” Jacob says then looks at me. “We've already hurt someone."

  "No, really you haven't. I mean I'm not emotionally attached to either of you so if you decide to jet off to Rome, New York, LA, Paris, whatever, I know where I will be. I know who I am and I know who I am not. I know what I am to both of you. I am an experience you can share later as lovers, as friends, however you end up together.” I am bitter and ugly and I know it.

  "See.” Jacob says. “She thinks that she is excluded from this. When I believe to the very fiber of my soul she is the key to it."

  "You can't love two people at the same time.” Henry says and looks at me. “Right?"

  "You can.” Jacob stands, “You already do. Come here Sonja."

  "Why?” I ask and he moves closer to me, grabs my hand and pulls me closer to him. “Come here, Henry."

  "There's no going back Jake, you can't make us cross the line when there is no going back.” Henry remains seated.

  He pulls me along and we walk to the bed to Henry. “Sonja take his hand. Don't reason with it. Don't either one of you think about it. Just do it."

  I reach out to Henry he holds my hand. Jacob has the other one. He extends a hand to Henry and he takes it. He stands.

  We stand there, the three of us in a witches circle holding each other's hands.

  Jacob speaks, “We'll make a pact, an oath to each other. It is the three of us until we decide that it isn't the three of us anymore. We can see each other separately or together but we will not see people outside of this circle. This is our marriage, our bond, our commitment to each other."

  I don't know what to say, I am a little overwhelmed by his words. Then with more tenderness than I thought he possessed he tugs me closer and kisses me. Gently, passionately. When he pulls back, I know what will come next. He tugs Henry closer but he barely moves. He looks at me. I can see his heart pounding in his chest. I nod. I am excited, I am turned on, and I am confused, but I can't pull away from them. He looks back to Jacob and his eyes close as Jacob's face moves closer. I gasp when their lips meet. It isn't an open mouthed kiss like mine. Just a simple brush of lips on lips.

  "Now kiss her.” Jacob says. Henry and I are both in shock. I know this. I can feel it in his grip on my hand, which is almost crippling.

  I watch his Adams apple bob as he looks at me. Concern is clear in his eyes. I just witnessed two of the most beautiful men on the planet share a kiss with each other. I feel special and secretly, I feel wildly turned on. Henry leans into me and we kiss. At first, it is a closed mouth kiss, and then it opens and turns more passionate. Then without warning Jacob joins us. It is the same three way kiss you see on college spring break, except there are two men and one woman.

  Our tongues tangle, dance, slide against each other, I bring my hands together, still holding each of theirs and cross my body placing their hands on each other before I let go. They begin to pull back from each other, from me, but I wrap my hands around them and continue our kiss. I slide my hands from their naked backs to their naked fronts and then down the smooth, warm bellies into their briefs.

  Gripping them both, simultaneously all three of us let go of the kiss. They groan and look at me as I drop between them to my knees. I am a temptress, I know damn good and well I can't have sex with them, not that I think I will need to, not that I think they will have sex with each other in front of me. I just know that three people are on the brink of something dangerous. All I know is that I would be a selfish pig if I didn't bring them relief in this time of great pain. Two rock hard cocks pulse in my hands and I am eager to greet them both with my lips. I only regret that I can't take them where I ache to have them most.

  They ungracefully push their underwear down. I stroke them both. They still hold onto each other's arms with me bridged between them. I can't decide who I want to lick first, so I pull them closer and place them head to head so that I can lick them both at the same time.

  I have no idea how this feels to them other than fabulous by the hissing and the faces they both make. I look up at them and feel wicked as they both look down at me, holding their pricks together I start licking them like my favorite cone of ice cream. They taste incredible, different, yet combined they make my pussy throb and ache for them.

  "Do that again.” Jacob says between labored breaths.

  I slide my tongue between them then suck one then the other. At one point I greedily attempt to put two heads in my mouth but it is fruitless, neither of them are average, and Henry is pretty damn thick.

  "Just keep switching.” Henry says, and I see his toes cross on his
large feet.

  I am learning their secrets, the little ticks that come to us all before, during, and after we come. Jacob flexes his calve muscles, I enjoy this, I am turned on by this. I boldly circle their cocks together as I lick them root to tips then tips to root on the other one. They move closer as I suck, stroke, lick, twist, and fuck them both with my mouth for all I am worth.

  "Sonja,” Henry warns but it is too late, I know what I am doing.

  "Sweetheart, you're mouth is fucking amazing.” Jacob praises and as I look upward to see them, his head falls back.

  Henry's falls forward and he looks at me, we make eye contact and hold it while I stroke Jacob and suck Henry until he comes. His eyes focus on me as I gulp him down. His eyes close and I turn to Jacob. The instant my breath reaches the head of his cock he spends.

  Shaking, twitching, sweating, they are both sated. The haze of our passion begins to fade and reality sets in. My legs begin to ache, my pussy aches, and my jaw feels numb. “Umm, can I get a hand here?"

  As if slapped out of a dream they both rush to grab my arms and bang into each other. The crack of their skulls makes me jump, as quickly, as they came together, they parted, holding their hands on their heads and cursing. I got up quickly on my own steam and realized my right leg was all but asleep. I almost trip, but Henry catches me.

  He laughs, holding his forehead with one hand and my arm with the other. I look at him, then to Jacob who has his hand on the top of his head and laugh too.

  Jacob takes a good look at us, shakes his head and laughs also. “We definitely need to work on our routine."

  "I think I need something for this.” Henry rubs his forehead.

  "Same here.” Jacob clenches his underwear with his toes and tosses them up into the air catching them with his hand.